


Bliss

by bat_boye



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Fluff and Angst, Genital Mutilation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, past self harm, soft makeouts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24607786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bat_boye/pseuds/bat_boye
Summary: Virgil's past was filled with uncertainty about sexuality and how attraction and arousal works. All this misinformation led to Virgil misunderstanding a lot about himself. Now, Virgil has to show Logan the result of that.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	Bliss

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Mention of genital mutilation (and the reason why), self genital mutilation/self harm (past), self consciousness/hatred of self, sex mentioned/intended, making out with the intention of sexual acts, aphobia towards self
> 
> Virgil could be cis or trans in this, I never make a point to specify so it's up to you!
> 
> Edit: I realized how misleading the tags along with the summary can be, so I changed the summary to better fit this work.

Virgil felt like he was in heaven. Logan’s lips were soft and sweet, he tasted like… geez, he can’t even describe it; he’s so far gone right now. Hands travelling over skin, shirts, jackets, and ties messily removed. Dark hickeys being left on Virgil’s skin. This was pure bliss, in Virgil’s own opinion. And who could blame him? He couldn’t tell you the last time he actually enjoyed being the centre of attention, but right now he didn’t care. He loved this.

“Virgil, are you alright?” Logan interrupted Virgil’s train of thought with concern. “You’re spacing out. If you do not wish to continue, I completely understand. We may continue another night.” Virgil shook his head, “No, please, I’m fine. I just… this feels so nice, L. I love it. I wanna keep going, please.” 

Logan smiled at him and kissed him warmly once more, grabbing his ass and pulling him onto his lap. “Good. I also wish to continue,” he said, pressing soft, chaste kisses to Virgil’s jawline. “I fucking love it when you do that, L,” Virgil says with a groan as Logan sucks yet another hickey into his pale skin. 

“Shall we remove pants and underwear?” Logan asks, pulling away from Virgil’s neck to look him in the eye. Virgil’s heart drops at that question. Anxiety flowing through his mind a mile a minute. _Fuck._

_What if he sees it? Of course he’s gonna see it, it’s obvious. Will it hurt? Of course it’s gonna hurt, dumbass. It always hurts. He might get mad if I don’t agree… maybe I should? Maybe I can just pass out right now if I hold my breath long enough. What’s he gonna think? I don’t want to explain myself…_

“Virgil?” Once again, Virgil is snapped out of his thoughts. This time, the thoughts weren’t as pleasant as before. “Uhh… I- Uhm.” Virgil can’t seem to get out a proper response to the question, and Logan takes that as a signal to stop. “Alright then, deep breaths. You’ve stopped breathing. Need I remind you that that is an unsafe practice?”  
Logan places a grounding hand on Virgil’s back, and the emo leans into the soft touch. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to ruin it. We were having so much fun, but then I just… Why do I have to ruin everything?”

“Falsehood.” Logan states simply, a stark contrast to the loudness he usually reserves for the word, “You have not ruined anything.” Virgil moves off of Logan’s lap and sighs, “But… I have. I mean, we were just… we were making out, y’know? And now we’re not… and you’re upset.” 

“Once again, falsehood. I am not upset with you, or the situation at hand. Yes, our sensual contact was satisfactory, but if you do not wish to continue it then I understand. I am not upset by this.” 

“Yeah, but… the reason for it is stupid.” 

“Whatever the reason, if it bothers you then it is not “stupid,” as you so simply put it,” Logan reasons. Virgil sighs, “I guess. I just…” Logan feels like he may be catching on, “Is this because you are asexual? Did I push you too far, Virgil?” 

“What? No. No, not that. I’m fine with making out and stuff. Just… scared.” Logan nods, “Ah, I see. Well, you are a very anxious person so it is only natural that you would be nervous, especially with a subject matter you are generally unfamiliar with and uninterested in.” 

“Yeah, I guess. But that’s not it, L. It’s something different, I just don’t know how you’ll react to it.” 

“The fear of the unknown is quite common, Virgil. You may take your time with telling me and/or showing me,” Logan leans over to kiss Virgil’s head, “I love you, dear.” 

Virgil smiles, “I love you too.” He’s really not sure if he’ll be able to tell Logan about this if he doesn’t just… get it over with. Just rip it off. Like a band-aide. “Fuck it.” Virgil unzips his jeans and pulls his pants down, garnering a confused and concerned look from his boyfriend, “Virgil, what are you doing? I thought we weren’t continuing?” 

“We aren’t. I just… I gotta show you.” That made Logan curious. And concerned, even more concerned than he already was. “Alright then.”

Virgil felt his nerves flaring up even worse now, so he hurried up and shed the last article of clothing that covers him and closes his eyes, waiting for a vocal reaction from Logan. 

“Oh dear…” Is all he heard before he felt a soft hand tentatively touching his thigh to ground him. Genital scars. He had… tens of them. Maybe a hundred? Logan isn’t sure. Two years of self-genital-mutilation did leave a lot of scars. “Why?” 

Virgil finally opened his eyes and closed his legs, shrugging at his boyfriend. There. He did it. He’s really done it now, hasn’t he? Had to ruin their moment of bliss with another problem. He’s just full of problems.

“I just… I never really… I uh…” He couldn’t really put it into words easily. “I… hated it when I’d get all… worked up down there. Because it felt _wrong._ I knew I was ace, so I thought… I thought I wasn’t supposed to… y’know. Get turned on. At all.” Logan tskd at that, “Oh, love. I hope you know that isn’t true now.”

“I do.” Virgil replied quietly, starting to tear up at the memories. “Does it hurt when you touch it?” Virgil shook his head, but then took a second to think about it and changed his mind, nodding instead, “Most of the time, yeah…” Logan grabbed Virgil’s hand and rubbed it soothingly, “I’m sorry you felt the need to do that to yourself.”

Virgil honestly didn’t know what to say to that. He’s the one who ruined the moment by proving that he’s fucked up once again. _Everyone already knows I’m the worst, why do I keep proving them right?_

This time, Logan doesn’t interrupt Virgil’s spacing-out with words, he does it with actions. He pulls Virgil close to his chest and just holds him there, lightly running his hand through Virgil’s soft hair. “It’s alright, Starlight. It’s okay. You’re not broken. You’re not evil, either. There’s a reason you’ve done what you did. I’m glad you know better now. I’ve got you, okay?” 

And if that isn’t the nicest thing Virgil’s ever had said to him, he doesn’t know what is. He leans into Logan’s soft grasp, mumbling into Logan’s skin, “S’eepy time?” Logan can’t help but smile at his boyfriend's soft voice, covering the two of them up with a large, fluffy blanket. “Indeed, Star.”

There it is, again. Bliss.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you enjoyed! Kudos are appreciated, comments are adored! I cherish every single one. <3


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